Tuesday, December 6

I watch the sun come up. I watch the blues, the greens, the yellows, oranges, and reds of the sunrise. It's beautiful. But I don't notice. I look at the clock. 6 AM. Now is an acceptable time for me to go downstairs. I look at myself in the mirror. I'm a wreck. I text her. "Goodmorning." Except nothing is good anymore. All that was good was her, and now she's been tainted. I don't really remember what happened much that day. I didn't talk at school, I went straight to my room after. Oh, I went for a run. It felt good. Although looking back I suppose I was just trying to run from everything that had happened. I get into an argument with my brother before bed. My parents have taken my phone for texting so late the night before. They read the messages. So they call me downstairs. They want to talk about it. I tell them what they want to hear, that I'll be all right, so I can just go back to bed.
        That night, I have the first dream. I've been having these dreams since this one, but they're slightly different every time. It always involves her and some guy that's hit on her. Let me tell you, there's been a lot. Tonight it was Josh. Josh Crosse. I won't get into details. But when I wake, I want to go back, just to pound his fat fucking face in.